Oh my my, I do love movies.  I still have aspirations to become a director, hell we went as far as to all chip in on a nice Digital Handycam... which we rarely use, but the option is there.  Getting back on track, this is the part of the page where we'll turn in some movie reviews, previews, add in some good ole hype and maybe, just maybe we'll have some nice features for you.  Not well written, but with words at least.



-May 27th, 2001-

REVIEW:  The Mummy Returns

2001, Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring Brendan Fraiser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr, Patrica Velazquez,
Running Time: 129 minutes


The Mummy Returns takes place 10 years after the original one.  In this action packed adventure we see our old friend Rick O'Connel (Brendan Fraiser) battle the forces of evil with his beautiful wife Evelyn O'Connel (Rachel Weisz) along with their son Alex, (Freddie Boath), Ardeth Bey (Oded Fehr) and John Carnahan (John Hannah) 

A chain of events occur that lead to the finding of the corpse of Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) and soon his body is resurrected and walking the earth once again.   But this time, his goal is to destroy the Scorpion King (Dwane Johnson) to claim his army as his own.

The original cast is back, with a few additions, and I have to say they did a great job.  Doc Chaser and I both just finished watching this, and have to agree it was well worth the big $6.50 we spent to catch the flick.  I was really impressed with Oded Fehr's returning role as Ardeth Bey, a proud member of the Medjai, and old friend of Rick O'Connel's.

The special effects were spectacular to say the least, but they didn't cloud the overall feel of the movie.  There were also quite a few references to the first move, The Mummy, so if you were living in a cave or was in a coma and didn't' catch the first one, then you better see it before you run to the theatre and catch The Mummy Returns.

The action was almost non-stop and the story progressed well.  I can't wait for the Scorpion King movie to come out, which will focus around Dwane Johnson's character (the scorpion king)

I have to give this movie 8.5/10  Why not 10/10 you may ask?   Well, Rick O'Connel always seemed to hit 'bad times' when he wasn't paying attention, and that just doesn't seem like his character.  Rick always came off (to me at least) as a guy who was aware and alert at all times, well that's just my opinion.  

We have some Doc Chaser notes coming up.....


*Doc Chaser*

I liked the movie, it was good.  Seats at the theatre suck, but hey, our town sucks also.  I give it 8/10  The reason why it loses 2 points is cause, for 1 there was NO Pepsi adds in the movie what so ever!  And it loses another point, cause I didn't like the way the scorpion king looked at the end.   Too many claws, not enough man.




-May 23rd, 2001-


2001, Directed by Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan
Starring Rachel Leigh Cook, Tara Reid and Rosario Dawson
Running Time: 98 minutes

Josie and the Pussycats

This is essentially a satirical representation of the music industry starring characters from the old Archie comics books series (curiously getting their own movie before Archie does).  The plot is nothing overwhelming which is good... that just wont fly in a movie like this.  Parker Posy and Alan Cumming are two eviilll record execs using subliminal messaging in their music to control the youth of America.   When their first band, Du Jour, begins to ask questions, they mysteriously disappear and Josie and the Pussycats are discovered.  This leads to a big record deal, the Pussycats flying to the top of the charts and ultimately Cook, Reid and Dawson uncovering the evil couple's plans and... well I can't give away the ending can I!?

This movie works the way it was done.  It doesn't try to reach above itself, to make itself a black comedy or a satiracl social commentary.  It's a fun movie that pokes fun at the music industry, the commercial world and above all, it pokes fun at us.  And we love it.  Cook, as usual, takes to this leading role and commands it with skill and style.  Cook is a great young actress with a huge future ahead of her, and looking good in a role like this shows her ample versatility and ability.  Dawson holds her own somewhat opposite of Cook, playing the strong Valerie.   She shows seriousness and talent in the first movie I've seen her in.  Tara Reid has never impressed me, but she easily came into the role of the ditzy Melody and played it to a T.  The supporting cast is also strong as well, showing a lot of wit and style.

And style is really the operative word for this film because Belfont and Kaplan have put together a fun, slick and stylish comedy that honestly entertains you for the full running time.  From the below the belt jabs at the Backstreet Boys ("I'm your backdoor lover"... oh come on!), to the overuse of blatant ads, to Reid holding an obscure road sign that reads "Honk if you love Pussycats" with the "cats" part unwittingly hidden behind a telephone pole, this movie keeps you involved.  And the soundtrack is surprisingly good and listenable, which further adds to the overall coolness of this movie.  Rachel Leigh Cook is great, the imagery is involving and the movie is guaranteed to entertain.  I give Josie and the Pussycats an 8 out of 10 rating and definitely recommend you at least check it out.  Just go to the movies for fun this week.

-May 22nd, 2001-

Well, for those of you that don't know, I and Stryker both live in the tinest hick town this side of wherever you live.   So what that means is while we do have a decent 3 screen theater (not bad for a town of 17 thousand), we always seem to get the newest movies 2-3 weeks after they're released.  So whenever you see a review here, it's gonna seem old to you.   You may say, "Why the fuck do I care about a review for a movie that came out 3 weeks ago?"  You know why you care?  BECAUSE I SAY YOU DO BITCH!!

Anyways, I haven't been to the theater in a few weeks which is odd for me because during the good movie season its a weekly thing for me to go, and we often catch double features.  But I AM going tonight!  The lucky movie?  Josie and the Pussycats!!  Excellent.  If you don't know, I'm in love with Rachel Leigh Cook, and we're going to get married and we're going to by a house and we're going to have kids and we're going to grow old together.  I'm not expecting Oscar shit tonight, I'm looking for a fun movie.  I'll tell you how it goes.

In the next week I'll be travelling to a real city, so I will be able to catch some movies that are somewhat new.  Those features will be posted here when I can get them up, so do stay tuned.  Yes the Movie section reeks of suckage right now, but I'm working on it!


this month....


Oh mommy!

    Okay okay, let me skip past the important stuff before I get to the cheesecake, fanboy ramblings.  First off, a warning:  There is no literary merit anywhere in this months feature, it's all just me drooling and falling over myself... that being said, read on.

    Born Angelina Jolie Voight in June of 1975 (making her not even a full year older than me! woot), Angelina is the daughter of Academy award winning actor Jon Voight and former actress/model Marcheline Bertrand.  She began her acting training at age twelve, then went into a (surprise) career as a model... a career that took her all over the world.  She was also featured in many music videos, including ones by Lenny Kravitz and the Rolling Stones.

    Her first feature film was 1995's Hackers which (in my opinion) she made into a decent movie (it sucks otherwise).  She married Hackers co-star Jonny Lee Miller in 1996, then divorced his runt ass in 1999 before marrying weird guy, but cool actor Billy Bong... ahem... Billy BOB Thornton.  I don't know what he's eating for breakfast, but I want some.  Angelina won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in 2000 for the movie Girl, Interrupted.  Her next big feature is starring as Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider movie.. which brings us to this...

Tomb Raider... uhhhhhhhhh

    ...Jesus, Mary and Joseph, air brushing or not, my god Angelina is a major fucking hotty.  Uhhmm, this is the point of the feature where it all goes to shit people.  Anyhoo, with TR only a few weeks from release, the picture you see above is once again my desktop wallpaper.  Angelina + Guns + Lara Croft = Me in the washroom for fifteen minutes.

    I mean, I am pumped for this movie.  Literally and figuratively.  The trailer looks COOL.  Simon West (Con Air) is a great director who learned well under popcorn god Jerry Bruckheimer (Top Gun, the Rock, Bad Boys, Gone in 60 Seconds etc etc) and from what I've seen, we are in for some sweet action scenes.  And Jolie with a British accent? Mmmm.   MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

    I am interested in seeing how an actress the caliber (no pun intended) of Jolie takes to a role most people would consider to be somewhat flaky, or daresay I, superfluous.  Coming off an Oscar Winning performance to a role like that of Lara Croft... well some may call that a step down, but as far as I see it.. Angelina picks her own spots.  She decides what she's gonna do, and fuck anyone who says otherwise.  Either that or she's being payed a shitload of money.  All that aside though, this movie looks slick, and as much as I am looking forward to seeing the Rock in the Mummy Returns, I have been eagerly awaiting Angelina in tight top and shorts.  And I don't even LIKE Tomb Raider the game.  I own TR 2, and I played it for a total of three days before it got filed away under "I HATE FUCKING PUZZLE GAMES".  But this is something different.  This could be the next biggest action franchise ala James Bond or... Indiana Jones?  Well, nothing is cooler than Indiana Jones.  Except for maybe Indiana Jones with a healthy dose of boobies.

    June 15th, the boobies are here.  And I'll be ready, oh yes.   No I'm not looking for an Oscar worthy performance, I'm looking to have some fucking fun... a good time at the movies!!  Simon West will deliver, and I will receive.  This movie will be a treat for the senses, and all those that doubted Jolie would ever be able to pull it off as Croft.. well look again at that poster above.   Angelina IS Lara Croft, and if you don't believe that, then don't go to the movie.   If your idea of Lara Croft is one of those foam headed Playstation Mag models, then well you deserve whatever you don't get.  June 15th, you can sit at home and read your mags... but I'm gettin' me some!  Well, as much as I can get for three fifty and fifteen minutes in line.


(special thanks to for info and the nice pic... check it out)

(previous feature)